I decided that, after admitting to him, I will never allow my heart to feel that way again. It took me almost 35 years for my herat to feel like that, and I could never love anyone else. I would only be thinking of him, and that would not be fair. As for taking things out on myself, that's unavoidable, I've been drinking & taking sleeping pills for 2 days, I didn't die, which is unfortunate, but maybe someday, it will happen. My heart was devastated by that, I cannot face him ever again, it would be way too awkward, even to be in the same room as him, looking at him, and wanting him so bad, it's just too much.

The sooner I'm dead, the better, it's the only way to get over this hurt & broken heart.