Horrible weekend. Something has to give. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make things happen.

If I were to ask myself if I'd like to spend the weekend unable to focus on anything for more than a few minutes, jumping from one thing to another and accomplishing nothing; and alternately eating food that isn't good for me, will make me fatter and hating myself for looking and feeling the way I do; and hating myself for having moved myself away from friends and family; and looking back over my life and seeing what a wasted it was, and is, and that there is no future.. I would answer myself "No thanks". Yet that is my weekend most of the time.
Being out with or among people just feels even more isolated.
The end of the weekend and thinking about the start of the work week brings more anxiousness and despair.
My energy is zapped. I think it is because I see no value in my life. I am way behind and will never catch up.
I left what I loved and will never be able to get back.