I"m doing a bit better

I seem to be having little moments of clarity, (which isn't right now, because it's hard to have clarity pre coffee)

I'm learning that, the world isn't going to end at any second, that it's okay to be afraid of things as long as I don't let that fear choke me, suffcate me, and stop me from experincing things

T asked me other day "If you could go back and change anything that happened to you, all the bad things would you?"

without even thinking about I blurted out no, that may seem like an insane answer that would leave most scratching their heads, but, those experinces, they have helped shaped who I am, and I rather like me, and it's hard to explain but, maybe I can learn something from those things and help someone else someday, because I had those experinces, I've taken steps on a path, and that path has lead me to have some very special and wonderful people in my life, I have no regrets, I wouldn't change anything in my past,

For every bad thing, for ever night spent crying myself to sleep, the days where I wanted my life to end, there are five good days I could be thinking of instead, there is a laugh, a smile, a day spent with loved ones or doing something I love that I could think of instead

I have the power, and only I do, to make my life what I want, I have my demons, I have my health concerns, my baggage, but that's okay, and I'll learn to accpet and love those things about myself in due time

I am in control, I'm not that scared little girl anymore, and I haven't been in a very long time, I"m a grown woman, a bird with a set of wings, I have dreams, I have hopes, I have so much, so many good things, so many postives, I am loved, I have loved,

Life is so beautiful, there is so much to see and experince, so much to learn,

And yes there are going to be days I fall off the path and cry, and scream, and shout, and feel like the world is going to come crashing down on me at any moment, but that's okay, it's part of healing, the healing is a life long journey and it's not going to always be pretty, or easy, or comfterable, but I'll take it, I'll take that journey if it means I can have more moments like this, where I"m happy, fat and full on life, I just have to keep picking myself back up, dust myself off and keep going, because at the end of every night is a sunrise and a new chance, a new day to start over, to learn, to be alive

and I think that's a pretty wonderful thing...