meApe,

I wish that I could add "thumbs up" to posts that I agree with. Maybe high-tech members here will add that possibility.

Anyway, I am sorry that you and your wife are having a hard time seeing eye to eye on things. It isn't unusual for these issues to pop up, especially in this day and age in the Western world.

The problem becomes how willing are you (and she) to work through your problems together and grow stronger? It's a huge challenge for people to remember those who really mean something to them nowadays. If you're both religious, perhaps seeing a priest (pastor, rabbi, whatever) with this can help you re-gain strength and faith in one another. If your wife is very against seeing a counselor, you might want to start seeing one yourself. Let them help you work through your issues and grow.

It would be very nice if your wife was determined to save the marriage. A lot of times, that's exactly what you both need to make it through! Unfortunately, we can only control what we do and say. That means that YOU can go and get help. You can't make her go with. You may need to back off a little bit to gain better perspective. Probable effect is that your wife will either run away or she'll hold on tightly to you. (A lot of people need the drama in their lives ~ they need to feel needed by others.)

I assume that making your wife run is the last thing that you want. And I don't blame you for feeling that way. Just a warning: you can get sucked in hard by this cycle and it hurts. It hurts everyone involved. But you do have the power to get help for yourself. To set limits, and stick to those limits despite the intense emotions. And you can still be there for her, but you can only go so far. Hopefully, she'll soon enter into counseling as well to get help for herself, and you can grow as a couple.

I wish you both the best ~ and hope that this made some sense!