(((LoneScout)))

My Daddy killed himself when I was 8. He left my Mom 7 mos pregnant with one brother and also me and my other brother who had leukemia. My Daddy was a wonderful man, my memories of him are of a smiling, loving father with periodic dark days. He made some bad business choices....and just saw no way out...

I wish he would have thought about how much he was loved by his wife and his children....maybe that would have helped him through the darkness..we loved him so much.

The aftermath of his choice was very, very bad....even though I was only 8..I always felt that if I would have just been a better daughter......My Mom felt that she should have seen some sign...she should have been better wife....she never remarried or even dated.

In so many ways....life stopped for us when he left.

Now, I am almost 47 and have had to fight suicidal impulses since I was around 10. That is the legacy my beautiful father left for me....my brother with leukemia..he died 2 years after my Dad...the brother that my Mom was pregnant with....well...he has no memories of Dad...still...even though he is better adjusted than me..he has issues.

I am so glad you are getting help!! Please, please don't do this to your family.