I have gone from being in the hospital and wanting out to being out and wanting in. I have only been out since last Thursday and had a pretty good weekend. Now that the week has begun, I am wanting the security and structure of the hospital. I am so confused. I don't want to be monitored all day, but at the same time can't seem to get anything done around here. I am back in my old ways, sleeping all day, not eating, not caring about what needs to be done... I hate it. Why can't I get better? I don't want to be like this. My daughter needs me, yet I can't seem to give her what she deserves. How is she supposed to survive life, if I can't show her how? I am tired of it. I want it to be all better when I wake up. No more of this stinking way of life. I don't make anyone happy here at home. Lying to get them off my back. Work doesn't even know that I am out. Don't know if I want to go back. How can I? I don't have the stamina to do anything. I am like the walking dead. What did I do to deserve this mess?