Quote:
Originally Posted by muse
I know this is probably way over-asked, but I have to
So.... how can you tell? Where does a behavior, an action or a word cross the line from being "hurtful" and into the realm of "abusive"? I just don't know.  |
Simply: when you feel it!
It can be different to everyone. There is no general line to this. Very different from person to person. Its LESS judging as "Is what she did okay or not" and MORE : "How do
I feel about it? How do I react? What do I need? Why do I react this way?"
If we feel we are abused - which usually involves feeling blame like we deserve the abuse (repressing that we lose control of ourselves by allowing the other to cross OUR declines) Dependency on the abuser, a feeling that they are a threat to us, terror, fear, helplessness. Can evolve physical pain while thinking of it - we are BEING abused - even if the abuser is innocent and does n`t understand it.
The first thing is to admit we lost control of ourselves and that we allowed the other in. To understand that we don`t deserve and it will ALWAYS be OUR role to set the limits...the decline. Whatever word you choose for it. We will protect ourselves. If not us - NOBODY will do it for us.
When we become aware - we are no longer victims. We can start stepping out of that to being the "captains" of our lives!
