I believe that what ladymacbet wrote would be closest to my response. One thing I can tell you: Searching for the answer to "What is abuse?" will generate a million different answers regardless of where you look. It comes down to how you were affected by it, I suppose. And I would take it a step further by saying that the degree of how it affected you would help you to determine if you need help with overcoming trauma. The degree to which abusive episodes affects one, I believe, is based on the enormity of the action and the length of time in which it happened. I've read many things that say a young person who is molested—if known about, stopped, and handled quickly—can heal quickly and move on. If not stopped and handled quickly, the effect will be much more burdensome on the person. The same, IMO, would be true for episodes of slapping, belittling, etc.

Regarding coming out to your parents: Unfortunately, we're still in a time where that reaction is common. Unless your parents are extreme, I believe they will begin to accept it in time. Probably not as you'd like, but to a certain degree that makes interaction somewhat bearable and potentially enjoyable. I've been there on two fronts: my parents (I don't talk about it with them, and I don't force the issue either) and my partner's parents (totally not talked about, but we love spending time with them).