Quote:
Originally Posted by salukigirl
This sounds like more of a communication issue rather than a money issue. You don't like that he is so concerned about it, and he doesn't like that you aren't as concerned about it. And neither one is making a compromise.
I'm in almost the exact opposite situation. My bf makes almost double what I do. He is used to living at a higher standard than me. For the first time in my life, I'm totally broke. So I sat down and looked at the bills and realized...I am paying half of things that I don't even want! HE wants the HD Directv and HE keeps the lights on all the time, HE wants to go out all the time and HE likes to have the fastest internet EVER. When did I say I wanted any of that?! I am a very simplistic person. If it doesn't have a purpose - I don't want it. So I finally blew up and said that if he wants to keep all this fancy crap then he has to start giving me more than 1/2 of utilities. And I think that is fair. Just the simple fact that he took it into consideration and realized my concern made me not even care anymore and I still pay 1/2. I just wanted him to hear me out and actually care what I was saying.
Maybe if you acknowledge your husband's concern, he won't ***** so much when it is time to spend money. I feel like he probably just feels ignored, but so do you. You both want to be heard but you wont stop and listen to each other.
I just went back and read one of your other replies and I feel like I can't help but think that you both complain a lot. I really mean no offense what so ever. But I realize myself doing the same thing. I will sit there and ***** at my boyfriend for *****ing....... how does it help a situation to complain about someone complaining? Just a thought. Not trying to down you or anything.
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I, too, can do without the extensive humpty-million cable channels, his huge *** HD tv in his bedroom, (whatever happened to the "good' tv in the livingroom that daughter and I watch and are perfectly happy with). There's nothing wrong with wanting better...I don't care if he gets what he wants, I don't care if he spend a bit "too much" on what he wants....if ONLY he'd do that without making it appear as though it's such a big deal...(spending money at all).
I encourage him TO spend money on the things he repeatedly says he'd like to have, but...."it costs money"...(well, duh).
I honestly do not think I'm the one with the communication problem between us. I've tried every angle possible to accommodate his complaints to where they were attended, but to no avail.
I do not spend money needlessly. I'm practical and can budget well.
He complains there's no food in house, so I go out and grocery shop (and I pay close attention to HOW I shop so to prevent unnecessary spending...MY choice), but then he responds with that I'm STILL spending too much....but this time on groceries.
I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
I don't think it boils down to communication problems, (as I've tried to encourage him TO communicate)...and I DO listen, though not so much anymore, but that's cuz he's burnt me out...since I can't get any progress with him, anyway.
If it isn't the money, it's my behavior. If it isn't my behavior, it's someone else posing a prob for him. If there's nothing disruptive going on, he'll make a verbal comment TO create ....something. It's how it is. It's how he is.
I've done what I can, and I still do....try, but I don't find myself investing like I used to....already full aware of the outcome.
And yeah, I find myself complaining because of his complaining. But anymore, (with him), I just tell him...."Okay. You're right".
When it comes time to attend to any of our needs which require money spent, I let him know in advance that I will be spending "X" amount on this or that, (with hopes that he'd feel included and, at least, respected by me for including him). That works and he's fine with it. I have his approval and acknowledgement that he is fine with it.....until he spends time on "thinking" about money being spent. Then, again, all hell breaks loose...and of course, I'm the one who hears it.
Blah blah....and so it repeats....lol. I sound like a freaking whiner here...but that's not the case. It just seems that way in THIS particular situation.
I think I should just shaddup anymore....lmao.
Shangrala
