I feel really lonely. I'm not lonely in reality as i have a very loving and supportive family but it is hard to continually relate to them how down I am feeling. It is tiresome for them and me. There is nothing they can say to make me feel better, and I don't really take comfort in their words anyway. Not because they don't mean anything to me, they do, i know how blessed I am to have people that care, but i'm so detached from everyone that I feel all the love and care stops at the glass wall built between me and them.

Plus sometimes there just aren't words. What words can I use to convey how i feel right now? Nothing does it justice. I think I may be a lot more depressed than even I realise at the moment. I say this because I've noticed that I am always feeling so tired and nothing seems to rejuvenate me. I've also been crying quite a bit which isn't usual for me.

I feel very trapped. I know that how I am feeling is really not significant in the grand scheme of things, i know other people are having hard times too, and i know that i am able to contine with daily life despite it all. So it isn't that bad. But I feel isolated and tired. I have a good family and a good therapist. I have people that care and even someone who wants to listen. But I feel as though I have noone there sometimes. I feel as though I'm battling alone, even though I shouldn't feel that way. I know i'd be a lot worse without family and my therapist so perhaps I should take relief in that.

It is just hard when I end up crying in my car, not knowing why, and having noone to turn to for help.

All of this creates a horrid mixture of helplessness and anger/guilt/shame at not being able to enjoy life. If you let the real me out I truly would suck the soul out of the world. ......I would say - 'i don't know what to do' but I know there is nothing that can be done, this today is how I feel. Noone can change that for me, even if there was someone there, how much difference would that really make. It is always going to be me and only me in the end.