Quote:
Originally Posted by muse
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!! Or have felt, and am beginning to unlearn recently. I always feel like I deserve it, like I am not valid, like whatever her reaction is, it's my fault. She's also controlling to the point where it's invasive, especially about clothing and who my friends are. Some of that's normal ("Don't wear the booty shorts to church," "Don't associate with the drug addicts!") but since I'm actually quite competent most of the time it gets.... difficult. I feel as though I can never do anything right.
That also sounds extremely accurate. Mom has an extremely hard time with the fact that, no, I am not her 3-year-old dress-up doll anymore, and has said as much to me.
My mom was abused when she was young, so that also leads me to think that her behavior might also be abusive.
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When parents were abused as children, some just let that abuse continue in the family cycle. It's passed on from generation to generation. But some to try to make it stop. It sounds like your mom is one of those that tried to make it stop mostly, or at least be a little better than her abuser. She's not going to be a perfect mother. That past abuse is going to affect her parenting you in some way or another, because her own abuse still affects her. It's not your fault. The way she reacts, it's not your fault, that's her feelings. She's the one that chooses to feel that way. You're not the one she's mad at. She's mad at her abuser. That is how the generational abuse cycle runs in families. I'm sorry she's taking her anger with her past out on you. Yes, since she "learned" abuse as a child it is likely she is using some of what she learned with her own children. That's how she grew up. It can take a lot of therapy to unlearn these kinds of things.
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