When others say or do anything, try and remember it is always subjectively about them, not you.

Very insightful OP, I enjoyed your thoughts. You have great wisdoms due to introspection of self, and observation of others. You're right also, that our self esteem is based on how we have been responded to throughout our lives. I dislike believing my story, but any other story feels like someone elses. It never feels true to have positive self thoughts, despite my wish to.

Good that you got therapy to help you see those around you disply their dysfunction. Its no fun being treated with disrespect by those you love.

As far as BPD diagnosis goes, I have a loved one with this diagnosis and I have to say, he is one of the most intelligent, sensitive, introspective beautiful souls I have ever had the priveledge of knowing. He just needs lots of reassurance that he is conditionally loved no matter what, despite the little "tests" he used to do. Boundaries are set in place for setting limits, and if they are pushed then I ask questions and somehow get intuitive knowledge about what he cannot express. Its usually pain based or out of boredom etc. (Sorry, I got side tracked). I just wanted to express that a BPD diagnosis is ok, nothing to consider to be unworthy of unconditional love. It sounds like you have found that great place already though, so that is good.