I haven't written on here for quite sometime. I log in and do some reading, but when I go to post a thread I just get lost in thought, then typically drift off to sleep. I have tried to stay positive lately. my sister came down, she never talks to me not even on facebook. my parents sold her my dream car right out from under me. 69 lincoln mark III. granted I can't legally drive for sometime now. no one even cared about my feelings on it. my sister was kissing my butt. right up until she drove off with it. man that one really smarts, but still trying to be upbeat. I have gone out about 4 or 5 times since x-mas. I drank a lot each time. when I stay away from people I don't have an urge to drink. weird huh? it's been one deadly blow after another lately. I'm still an Xanax for my social anxiety. I stopped taking the lexapro it was making my hair fall out. I am really running low on friends just about two people will put up with me. I have no urge to play guitar or do anything I am keeping up my grades in school though. my shrink asked me why i used to use so many drugs and booze, and when i told her the truth she didn't really want to talk to me anymore she kept suggesting another person to see. my answer was i didn't plan on living this long. I really didn't up until i was arrested I lived the life of keith richards. no joke did everything under the sun. i'm 23 and i think i've lived long enough to rank as a 5o year old on the i've seen it all scale. so i'm sitting up tonight writing this why i have no idea. i haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg on some things that have happened guess i'm just not ready to talk about it yet. lonesome days, crawling for the shower in the morning, can't sleep, and just flat out don't care anymore. well i guess i'm just rambling on.