Well, when it comes down to it, going to a funeral is strictly for the live people. So, if you feel you will not be accepted by them, you have every right to not go. As far as social pressure, **** it. Is your dad still living? If so, I may call him and talk to him about it all. But I don't even see why you have to call her children. If they are un-accepting of you, you don't have to put yourself out for them, just to do what you think they think you should do. (Yes, I know that was a convoluted sentence.)

Anyhow, do what is good for you.