The other thing I guess that prevents me from talking to my pdoc about it is I pretty much always have clear rational thoughts. What lead me seeing anyone about my health and getting dx with bipolar was due to a series of events where i was barely in touch with reality and felt as though someone/thing was prompting me to do x,y and z. But even when it kind of seemed as though it were voices in my heard of sorts, I can still 'hear' my own thinking going, 'what you're about to do is irrational - why the hell are you doing that?'. It seemed like how you would normally have thoughts in your head, like when you don't want to say something out loud. So it was normal in the middle of a lot of not real things. :/ But it wasn't possible to act in the way the rational thinking was wanting to happen regardless.

I just don't understand how I can have clear rational thoughts while looking at something that I've concluded isn't real or doing things against rational thoughts that doubt it. :/