I did something last night and am trying to figure out if i was wrong in doing so. It's a long story, but i'll try to be brief.

When i was 8 years old, i suffered SA from a neighbor. One of my good friends was often with me when we visited his home. I don't remember if she was ever with me at the time the SA happened because i also went to see him alone. But i know we went there together sometimes.

When i broke down a few years ago, part of it was due to this SA. Because i can only remember bits and pieces of it, and because he is now dead, i have had no way to get the full picture of what happened, or to get closure. Because of this, i called my old childhood friend a few years ago when i started dealing with the memories. We hadn't been in contact for almost 20 years. . .but she had been a good friend I'd kept in touch with from 1st grade until early adulthood (she even flew out to be at my wedding). I was hoping that by contacting her about this, i could get some support and validation for what happened to me (and possibly us), and maybe even a few more pieces to the puzzle that i may not remember.

Well, my old friend blew me off. She told me that she didn't remember ever even going with me to visit this neighbor as a child. There was one other friend of mine who also went with me (a mutual friend of hers), so i asked her if she would find out if this friend recalled anything. She said she would talk to her and call me back. She never did. So i called her. When i did, she said my other friend also claimed not to remember ever going to see this guy. Shortly after saying this, my old friend said she was moving the next day. When i asked if she would give me her new address, she claimed not to know the address yet. I asked her to please get in touch with me once she got moved, and she said she would. She didn't. I felt really disappointed and hurt because she had been such a good friend, and i thought she would be honest with me and support me, not deny it and try to get rid of me.

Fast forward to last night.

I was looking at some Facebook pages, and i suddenly thought of this old friend. I wondered if she had a Facebook page, so i typed her name in. Yes, there was her picture. She had a page, and there was also a button to send her a message. Seeing her page brought back all the memories of our childhood days, the good times, and also the SA and the deep hurt i felt when i reached out to her and she blew me off. So i sent her a message. In it, i mentioned the good times first, but then i told her how, a few years ago, when i called her about our visits to Mr. * and how i was struggling, that she really hurt me by not supporting me and brushing me off, never to contact me again. I told her that i wasn't wanting an apology or explanation, but that when i saw her Facebook page, i just had to tell her what was in my heart. I also told her that i was still struggling with what happened with Mr. H, and that if she searched her heart and found that she remembered anything about those days, to please contact me. I gave my snail mail address. I closed by telling her that i cherished the years we were friends, and that i always would.

This morning, when i told my husband that i'd sent my old friend this message, he told me i did the wrong thing. He said i should have left it alone, and not tried to force my friend to think/talk about it. He told me maybe she had forgotten about it for a good reason and wouldn't be able to handle it. He even asked me, "How would you feel if, after reading your message, it brought back a bunch of crap for her and you found out she then committed suicide?"

When i told him that i thought my friend did the wrong thing by blowing me off, he told me i expected too much from people and always have. He said i expect a loyalty that for most people just isn't there. He said my old friend did not have any obligation to help me, that i should have just accepted it and let it go. I objected and told him that if one of my old friends called me crying because she was remembering some abuse from our childhood, i would never deny or make excuses to get her off the phone. The only right thing to me would be to help her, he referred to my emotional/mental problems (BPD traits), saying that yes, i would do that, but it is because my emotions are exaggerated. In other words, that i am not like most people, and i have to accept that most people are not like me. They don't feel the level of loyalty that i do toward friends, that they are mainly driven by self interest, and that if it takes blowing off a friend to protect themselves from bad memories, they will do it.

I feel confused. Was i expecting too much from my old friend? Was i wrong to bring up our visits to Mr. * and to ask for her support? Was I also wrong yesterday to email her and tell how i was hurt by her actions?

I don't understand. I don't feel like i expect too much from people. But i do admit that there are often times when i see people saying and doing things that i would never dream of doing. . .things that seem selfish or heartless to me. I feel like i am only expecting people to do the right thing, the compassionate thing. Am i wrong???