One cannot will feelings to be one way or another. Feelings are like whiskers or antennas :-) they tell us about ourselves and how we are relating to ourselves and the outside world.

It's good you are questioning your ways of being that may not fit you anymore. That's very healthy. Laziness doesn't really exist; we do thing that we want to do or that are in some way helpful to us. Labeling possible depression as laziness, just covers having to question your ways of being that may not fit you anymore; gigs up :-)