Hey all,

I guess I'm just having one of those days of feeling a bit down. I consider myself to have always being a helper and a giver, I do a lot of volunteering in helping and supporting others. I suppose I am waiting for a bomb to drop so this is why I am here because If things go bad like I expect them to then I will be in need of some support. I am feeling very anxious today and as each day goes by I feel the anxiety building. I have a hard time when I volunteer my time for helping others and knowing that I am doing the right thing I seem to get balled out more often do to someone else having their own bad days with MI. Being treated like a child in front of others to see is not something I am a custom to and things like this should be done in private so I have a hard time when I know I'm doing the right things but then have someone jump down my throat in front of all to see. I have spoken with my therapist and pdoc about these situations to which as they are professionals they agree with the ways that I handle things in the proper ways and that the lady that is in charge of many of us who volunteer should know that there are certain situations that should never be handled in the manners that she wants us to handle things. I always think of the people and their feelings first and they ways that handling things in certain ways may effect them in a more negative way then a positive way. I realize that it may seem as though I am talking in circles right now and I wish I could explain in more details as to what's going on but for now I feel it's best not to go too far into those details and hope that some of you may have somewhat of an idea as to where I'm coming from. I take pride in volunteering and it's something that I enjoy doing, I have come to the conclusion that these continuing balling outs and be treated as a child and an idiot as to stop at some point even if that means that I have to leave this volunteering and leaving the people that I help and know so well. I know I have to remove myself from this toxic situation at some point and I have made a promise to myself that should another occasion of this being put down takes place again which is most likely to happen again as there are other volunteers having the same problems with this same lady in charge that I will say my peace and thank them for the opportunity in helping others but that I will not let them take me down and continue to make me feel like a piece of crap. I had a one point knew that should I have to walk away that it would destroy me but then I came to the point that I have decided that I am the one in control of my directions in which I can take and I can not allow someone else take that control away from me. I hope that some of this makes sense but for right now my mind is a bit foggy from anxiety building and I am about to leave to go have a visit with my pdoc.

My best to you all

Love