So I started telling T about the SA when I was 8.. And how I was so sheltered I had no idea what it was at ALL until middle school.. that I didn't even know what sex was, or where babies came from, or anything at all like that..

Ohh my gosh my heart is pounding right now but I just need to freaking talk..

Last session, T asked about how it felt when I learned what sex was, and when I learned what it was that had happened to me when I was 8.. and all I could say was, "Horrified." It was, it was awful, all the meaning of what I had heard about sex (it's bad, don't do it) from church and from everyone all the sudden collided with my memories and I realized that what happened was sex.. I realized, I did that. I did that before.

She wanted to know what else I felt but I just couldn't couldn't couldn't.

And now the word "horrified" has been repeating in my head over and over.. it is awful.. I just hate this..