The shame, blame, pain, and burden of what was done to you belongs with the abuser.

I know you are overwhelmed with feelings right now. You are a wonderful good person. You will eventually be able to work through those feelings so they don't hurt you like they do now. You deserve to be set free, even if it's just one emotion at a time. There is no wrong way, if you can only handle horrified right now- T will have to respect that.