Hi Belles,
I understand. I know that desire to have answers and clarity. I wish Mark shared that desire with you. But I suspect he does not. So just be on your guard. Its ok to meet and assess things but also keep in mind that he is doing this behind Lisa's back and that means he has not really learnt anything...
You deserve a guy that will be into you and you only Belle. Personally - any confused guy - whether I ve known him 2 minutes or 6 years has no room in my life. I need certainty and reassurance for the future, to feel I am walking on solid ground and that I have a partner who shares my believes, aspirations and needs, who is honest and kind and respectful.
That is why I left my fiance. Because I felt I was not getting any of that. And this is why I wont see him or talk to him.
I do not know what the future holds but I think if he wanted to meet for a chat now it would be too little too late. Isnt that the case with Mark?
If in the future I am still available emotionally and he has stopped drinking, been on a programme for abusive man and sets a wedding date - then I will consider meeting with him. But the chances of that happening are close to zero. So I lost hope and with that he lost the better part of me.
Work on your self esteem Belle. You owe it to yourself. I think I said this to you before - heal the little girl inside you that is still hurting. Until you are healed it will be very difficult to take the steps needed to stay away from him and men like him. Trust me - I have been there and still working on it.
I really do hope that you will get the answers you need from that meeting with Mark. I am just worried for you and worried that it may draw you backwards and you will end up in more turmoil...
I am ok, thanks for asking. Its bee a strange day. I felt very very tired today. Could hardly move around. I was in chat here and closed my eyes for a moment and fell asleep - slept for 2 hours. I was so sorry when I woke up that I just disappeared on them in the chat. Feel really uncomfortable about doing that. I think I am still suffering with that virus and the last 5 days have been so hectic for me both emotionally and physically that I just collapes today. I went to 3 interviews and managed to secure a new contract with a new client and still waiting to hear about the other 2. Its been a demanding process. I am also doing a lot of personal work and missing bf takes its toll. I went to see my counsellor and that was particularily hard. So - now that I have slept those 2 hours I feel a bit better but still a bit numb right now. I miss him and cannot forgive him. its not a good place to be....
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