As far as coping, I looked through some things on the SI board and have been trying to come up with my own. Like I love to cook, so last night I spent some time cooking something different. Tonight chocolate ice cream is my coping mechanism.. also watching shows on Netflix Instant (Arrested Development!!). Also, the night I am supposed to see T, I am sleeping over at a friend's house and we are going to make music. I am finally making a good friend - she is from work. The next morning I am going to the Autism Speaks walk in our area. So.. I am keeping busy.

"Jexa- awesome job! What a lot of great coping strategies. Please, take a moment and recognize what you have done to get through this rocky time. Not sure if you can relate, but I often put MORE pressure on myself when I feel something intensely, especially if it is "past stuff'. "

It just sucks because through all the busy-ness I keep thinking about this and it just makes me want to cry but I don't want to cry and have everyone wanting to know what's wrong and all that. I don't want to call anyone to tell them I am having a hard time, it will just make me feel worse to burden someone in that way.. at least the people here chose to read this.. you know?

"I can SO relate, I'm kinda there right now too. But you know, it isn't true. I went to a funeral on Tuesday for a man who was only 24 who killed himself, he felt SO ALONE. The sad thing is that there were 300 plus people who turned out. It's easy to close ourselves off from support. I'm glad you can find it here on PC< maybe you can get just a little IRL too? "

Sannah.. yes, guilt, guilt.. and shame, self-disgust and loathing...

I'm just so MAD about middle school and EVERYTHING that went wrong then!

Not only this, finding out this.. but also being SA by my grandfather (milder than this but still), adjusting to public school after being homeschooled all through elementary school, getting teased daily, no friends, parents fighting/domestic violence, brother getting in trouble for drugs, being unable to stand up for myself even to my little sisters, who scratched and hit me and even held knives to me.. being older doesn't mean you are spared.. My all A grades turned to F's in middle school, when I threatened suicide in 8th grade.. the guidance counselor called the police who had me handcuffed in the front office..

Just everything in middle school was horrendous and I basically haven't been the same since.[/quote]

"Sounds like you have a lot to be mad about- when the feelings get so intense, it's helpful to remember, the feelings are REAL and Important, just not from right now."

You are brave, and by sharing your struggles today have helped me to feel less alone. Keep it up, there are many standing with you!