Sanity, I was laughing reading your ideas of changing bodies... Mark certainly would have been surprised and my ex would have probably gotten a shock. Not a bad idea...

And thank you for your kind words. I am glad my contribution is validated and appreciated. I enjoy it, sharing stuff, knowing how you guys are and learning too. About creating my life without him: well, it is not easy to have him out of my life and not doing stuff together. The thing is - since July 09 - when he told me he was not prepared to talk about the wedding and i then moved to the next room and refused to talk to him - since then - we got further and further apart. Then there was a time we got closer - round spet and dec but in Jan 10 it just gotten so bad and he became unbearably abusive. So I guess, as hard as this process have been, in a way - it prepared me for this and the transition has not been 360c. Should I be grateful to him that he behaved this way and gave me enough reasons to walk away? I dont know... A big part of me still wishes it was different...

I am sorry Sanity about your mum. I know how hard it is and I think its wonderful you are having a feast with your son and telling him stories about her. I am sure he learns about her from you all the time! My mum passed away 10 years ago and I know only too well the pain and missing...

I hope you will get to speak with your aunt and that your brother and sister will be able to accept the kind invitation at some point. Her memory and love lives through you.

Belle, thanks for the hugs. It really helps to know that there are such supportive and understanding beings out there!

Yes. How do you build trust after that? How do you feel comfortable with someone without being susspicious and wondering... How do you confinde in someone who has betrayed you this way and how can you ever let your guard down around him? Some times relationships, as much as we love the other person, pass the point of no return. Its so sad. Its so painful.

I am glad you spent the last 5 months focusing on yourself and growing. Its so great!

I do hope the meeting with him will calm your thoughts and give you clarity and peace of mind. However - how can one expect that to happen with someone who has not got these inside themselves? (ie Mark)... Think about it Belle - he has no clarity, no consistency and no clear boundaries. Maybe its time to focus on your boundaries and be clear regardless of what he wants and feels. In the end of the day - that can change at any point... If you meet him to see what you feel about him - well - I d like to ask you - dont you know that already? Having said that, I really understand your need. And I hope you do get closure, either way.

Yes, counselling is great. I have been going for 5 years. The last session was hard because the last time I saw my T was when I was still together with ex so needed to update and open raw stuff. And of course the travel - which you know about...

Hugs to you both dear ones xxx