I know that I am not the same girl that I was. I do not believe that anyone could be after an experience like this. I believe I have cried more in this last year than in my entire life.

And yet…

I fear that I haven’t grown, haven’t changed, haven’t learned anything. I’m afraid that there is a terrible beast inside of me, lying dormant, waiting for the opportunity when I lose control of the reins once again and allow him control of my body. I’m afraid of myself, of what I now know I am capable of, and not capable of. I am afraid to trust myself. I’m afraid to venture out into the world again and try to pick up the pieces of my former life. Sharp as broken glass, I’m afraid that those shards of my former life will just cut me as I try to put them back together.
I’m so afraid that I haven’t changed.
What if I haven’t changed? What if I haven’t learned ANYTHING???

What then?