I am still of the opinion that what you are doing is the critical issue here. You put so much emphasis on life based on an itinerary. Like Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Live life now instead of waiting until you have your masters and can write full-time. You have put your life on the layaway plan. There is no reason not to enjoy each day instead of viewing it as a drudgery that must be endured.