Hi I am a new user, and I am glad to have been able to find this place.
I was Sexually , verbally and physically abused by my father for many years, the earliest time for the S abuse I think started when I was 9, my female older cousin also S abused me for a few years.
I left home at 17 because I could not take anymore, I moved 2,800 miles away with my boyfriend. I had a son 2yrs later, and moved back to Calgary with my boyfriend. He was also quite abusive verbally and emotionally. I was to stupid to get out of the relationship, because i thought that no one else would ever want to be with me.
a year and a half later I had my daughter.
When my kids were 9 and 11, I left my husband (by this time) because I could not take any more abuse from him.
He quit his job and started stalking me, until I agreed to meet with him . For a year and a halfI lived in my own ap. and we did lots of talking
Very much to my surprise he listened and tried to change, My part in our whole relationship boiled down to me not talking when I was upset because I was never allowed to at home as a child, or I would be hit for it.
Anyhow my husband and I got back together 10 yrs. ago and he is still treating me very well(I guess I am one of the lucky ones).
Eventhough we are back together, I still fell distrustful and I began therapy. I have PSTD and hardly ever feel like myself. I usually fel like I am someone else for different occassions, I don't really know who I am anymore and haven't for as long as I can remember.
I have attempted suicide a few times and I self harm.
It has gotten worse over the past 4 yrs.
I don't know if I will ever get through this, I feel like I have different parts of me and sometimes all I hear in my mind is that I need to die there is no reason for me to live, some of the other parts are being able to go to university and do well. It is all mixed up for me.
Does anyone else have this problem