you know i can relate with your wife a lot. i too was a middle child at least most of my youth until my little sister passed away when i was 13. i have experienced some of the things your wife has been experiencing, and suffice it to say for the one going through it it is simply a horrifying thing to go through. it's terribly painful to accept these things as well. it sounds as though this is how she's choosing to accept and how she is choosing to deal with it.

it appears that now more than ever she could use your encouragement and support, and it's encouraging to hear that you want to stick with her. i strongly encourage you to do this. by no means am i saying that you have to agree or condone her choice. you have your opinion as well about the situation, and this is also important. i would suggest maybe sitting down and expressing with her that although you can see, maybe not totally understand, but that you can at least see why she is doing what she's doing. but ask her to please remember that you don't neccessarily agree with it, but maybe that you will support and encourage her with her decision. not everyone has to agree with everyone on everything. it's a quality that makes us each different. hopefully both feelings and opinions in the situation can be respected by all concerned.

best wishes...take care