hmm didn't know there was such a thing as middle child syndrome. As the middle of three, perhaps I should look it up! Anyhow, as someone who has had occasion to interrupt relations with my family, I would suggest that you let your wife do what she needs to do. As you say, it is not your family. I would imagine what she needs from you at a time like this is loyalty...Going behind her back to explain things would be a very bad idea. IMO