Hi AkAngel
This is tough stuff to talk about, so I commend you for your courage. I am female, but otherwise could have written just about every word of your post. I am slowly starting to understand that this is one of the many ways in which my difficulty with real intimacy manifests, including intimacy with myself. That is about all I can say about it in my own case. I have been single for 10 years now, and one of the reasons for that is avoidance of this whole issue. This is something I know I will be hoping to look into in therapy, but I haven't quite got to the point of taking about things like this there. I do know that on the few occasions when I have connected to someone on an emotional level while being sexual, it has not seemed like 'work.' I don't have any real answers for you...but you are not alone..