When I look back yesterday I started to go down. This morning putting on my shoes is when I really started to feel it. I still getting used to meds, but I'm trying me best to get happy. The only time I'm laughing is when I messing with people. I screw up random print jobs just to frustrate people. I am in a dangerous position with the computers around me so I do things (not illegal or potentially damaging).

When I am by myself...it just seems....blah

The problems my wife and I have had in the last couple of months, I realize that she isn't in a position to try and deal with this. More healing and education are required before I can expect that kind of support from her.

I meet a new t in on Tuesday and I'm scared out of my wits. I've felt like this before and I let it sit. I try, but it just sits. Then I start the isolation. No one, absolutely no one. I can't push her away anymore. I might finally lose her this time. This is not the time to go down. Not NOW.