Thanks Yoda. You explained it better than my old therapist (wanna job?). I have had a med changes that should be hitting right about now. Called pdoc to change 'em back but with a different dosage request so that is in the works. Perhaps the spiritual message I am getting is that I am not suppose to be here...meaning I can probably work to support myself, my life is far from over, it's time to dust myself off and gently get back on the horse. These neighbors have given up on life it seems (which is really sad because it looks harder and more painful that actually living it from the outside looking in). I do not give these people my energy anymore (yes, they will take that too). if I were to describe my moods as of late, I would say tired yet energetic, sometimes I have my sense of humor and sometimes I don't...but when I do, it can come out twisted. Panic comes and goes but usually in the morning or when I am stressed.