I have so much guilt inside of me about my mom. I know I disappointed her a lot and everything...I didn't please her enough and caused her a lot of grief. And the worst part is that I never really knew she loved me.

I know you're probably thinking, "how could she think her own mother didn't love her?" I thought that she hated me and everything I stood for. You see she hated my father and I'm exactly like my father. I just wish she would've told me sooner that I was important and loved by her. She rarely showed it to me. The only time I heard "I love you" from her was when I was being admitted into the hospital...once a year. And she didn't even say it like she meant it.

I loved her so much even though she wasn't the mother I desired. In the end she turned into the mother I always dreamed of...and she was gone so quickly. I got the mom I wanted but couldn't enjoy it.

Ok, I'm depressing enough so I'm gonna end this post.