I cut really bad on Sunday morning and I finally got brave on Sunday night to tell my husband...it would not stop bleeding and it layed open pretty bad...so he took me to emergency room...they treated me really nice they know I have a mental problem...they put 5 big double stitches in it and I thought I could go home....but I was a mess crying, shaking not being able to breathe...full grown anxiety and panic attack...so they gave me ativan one shot to start and then waited a few minutes and I was still shaking and crying uncontrolly and then they gave me a second shot and I calmed down so they could stitch me up...so the doctor told my husband that he wanted me in somewhere for 72 hours and it turned out to be more of course...so just got home here eastern time around 7pm and I am wiped out and really tired...I just you could say I just went off the deep end from the yard sale and things that came up in therapy on friday...I was phsyically and mentally exhausted.. and I told my T and my hubby that I could not take much more and they kept saying ok...well I finally crashed....I tried cutting and nothing or not matter how deep I went I did not feel it...so scarey to think of it now...I was centermeters away from the main artery...so d*m f*cking stupid of me....but they added a med to my med cocktail I already have and now I am also taking serquel(?spelling) suppose to help with the racing thoghts and flashbacks and nightmares....Monday and Tuesday I do not remember they had me so doped up and I slept all the time which I needed...just feel so stupid that I let everyone down...my family my T and my friends here at PC....then I come back and see Ozzie is leaving....UGH man alot happens when you leave for a week...
going to bed now...I will be on some this weekend but mainly trying to get some rest and not be overwhelmed from the house and left over yard sale stuff..
Sorry for rambling and venting but wanted to update you guys on everything...bye for now and goodnight