Lex, it's okay to talk about your pain. That's why we're here.
I know what you mean about not thinking your Mom loved you. I sometimes feel the same way about my Mom. I've said this before to you but your grief really makes me rethink my relationship with my Mom. A couple of your posts made me call her just to tell her I loved her.
Your Mom had her own ways of showing her love for you. Maybe she wasn't good at expressing them, though. But she does truely love you for always...
I guess you figured that out for yourself from what you wrote about her being the mother you've always dreamed of.
Don't feel guilty, Lex. She would'nt want that from you. All she really wanted was for you to be happy. Moms' are like that. And every child causes his/her mother grief. It's our birth right of sorts. She caused her parents a lot of grief too, I bet.
Please,PM me whenever you need to. I'll be here for you.
((((((((Lex&Lex'sMom))))))))