Hi Steve,

I can relate very well to what you describe and for me it is a direct result of my OCD. I have an irrational fear that someone I know or love is going to be harmed so when my husband goes out, I worry that he will get into a car accident. If he is supposed to be home by say, 9 PM, what would happen for me is that I would start worrying franticly by 9:15 and I would go thru stages where I would get very ANGRY because he knew I have this problem/disorder and he is always later than he says he will be... just because he loses track of time and is not a good judge of how long things take to do (i.e., errands, appointments etc.) Now, this problem is very much under control for two reasons: one, I am best friends with Captain Lexapro (20 mg/day) and the Captain calms me to where I don't get angry anymore and I hardly worry at all unless my hubby is hours late and I can't reach him on his cell phone. and two, I was able to describe to my husband this disorder and ask him to give me something I need-- the reassurance that he is alive and well. So I recommend that you first talk to your wife. Tell her your worries and fears and see if she isn't willing to check in with you once while she's out so that you are calmed and reassured. Be sure to explain that it has nothing to do with trust or control. Describe the anxiety that you feel and tell her you have a need for safety and reassurance because you love her so much. Once I explained it this way to my husband, he understood and is very good about calling, which is part of the reason, along with the Lexapro that I don't worry as much anymore. It feels good to not be so anxious all the time.

I also lost a grandparent at a young age (11) and I thought it was my fault for not doing a certain OCD ritual at a certain time, yadda yadda yadda... but anyway, I know what you're feeling and I realize your anxiety may not have anything to do with OCD, but I think an anti-anxiety drug like Lexapro would help you immensely. Good luck.

Kelly