I think it's a misconception that it's 'on their own terms'. For instance, I know a girl who was abused by her father, then by her first boyfriend, eventually married a man who abused her, divorced him and began dating again only to end up in a relationship with a man who abused her. Sitting on my couch one evening after a trip to the emergency room she sobbed, "Why can't I find a nice guy like you?" She did find a nice guy like me - me, yet she had no interest in me - or didn't think of me 'that way' specifically because I wouldn't abuse her.

She spent her entire life trying to redo her relationship with her father, trying to 'get it right this time'. She was only attracted to men who would give her that chance. So you're right, people repeat things in order to 'fix' it in their own heads, but unless you're conscious of the connections between the past and the present - and very few truly are, you're just repeating cycles.

I mean think about it, why would someone who was conscious of the fact that their attraction to abusive men come from trying to fix it with their father - begin a relationship with another abusive man? If they understood where it came from they would realize that there is nothing for them to 'fix'. The abuse came from the abuser and the responsibility lies there - not with them, therefore there is nothing they can do to 'fix' him and so, what can she possibly gain from being with another abuser?