I was doing fine until yesterday when I found chocolate chips all over my daughter's bed. The kids found my stash that I had bought on sale to save up for Christmas baking, and 4 bags of chocolate chips were gone - all over their room. I threw things around a little, then had to go cut, went back to deal with the kids - they were still blaming each other and none of them admitting to having anything to do with taking the chocolate chips. I told them to clean their room and find the rest of the missing choc. chips, and I came here to chat and try to cool off. It did help a little. Got a phone call asking me to do an activity for the homeschool group today (can't say no of course), chatted a little more.

Between then and now I've done pretty much all the SI methods I ever use, and maybe made up some new ones too. Being mad at the kids particularly makes me want to bang my head. I thought cutting was an improvement since cuts heal but holes in the wall don't. The blood stains on my clothes started bothering me though, and I know where to bang my head without making holes now. Woke up this morning and the kids were still blaming each other and claiming they didn't do it. Got up, got mad, had to cut, went back to bed. That was the cycle until I absolutely had to get things together for the homeschool group. On the way there (40 minute drive) kept thinking I shouldn't be driving - didn't care about speed limits, wasn't sure I cared about stop signs - fortunately it was highway so we didn't have to find out, ...

Made it through the activity and nobody seemes to notice anything, but most of the time I felt like they weren't paying attention anyway. (I made soap - it's exciting when you put the lye in and it gets hot and turns colors, but after that pretty boring.) It would have been nice to have time to talk to my friend whose house it was at, but she was gone most of the time (that was why she asked me to fill in).

Anyway, remember when I said I was just going to go ahead and SI when I needed to and not hold things in and let it build up? My T even agreed with that plan. At that point it was just scratches though - he did ask how much damage I was doing. It's just getting worse though. At least it's in areas that aren't usually visible. It was rather dark and cloudy today (noticed that on the drive home). Must the weather always have so much control over me?

<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>