((((((( living miracle ))))) I am asking myself the same question about validation in my post I just put up. I may never know for sure what happened. But I did figure out why family often can not see what was done from within.

It deals with the fact that the family is supposed to be our closest support system and safe zone. It is the tightest circle of trust. When the abuse happens as a result of someone outside that circle of trust, the whole family joins together to fight the outsider. Even a "small" crime will result in a family that is ready to lynch the criminal.

But if the trauma occurs within the family dynamics or even within the close circle of personal friends, it is much harder for other family members to accept. There is no longer a support system for the members of the family to trust. So if the criminal is a member of that inner circle, the crime is often minimalized or even ignored. That person is not treated the same as an outsider for the same crime. It is not fair and not right, but that is how the family manages to survive in the worst of situations.

The only way I am able to see my dad's crimes for what they are is to mentally remove him from my circle of trust. That is what I am having trouble with at this time. It helps because I am aware of the positive transference I have with setting up my T as a father figure. The more he teaches me the healthier ways of living, the more I can see him as a safe and trusted member of my inner circle. It is not easy to make this transition, but I think it is needed if I am going to be able to see my father in a clear light.