I have mixed episodes and for me it's like being depressed but in high-speed. I am sad and feel like I am worthless and don't want to live but I feel panicky about it. I start pacing around the house, want to throw something against the wall really or put my fist through something like a glass window (done it several times before - cuts you up pretty good). Then to calm these urges I start drinking to shut myself down and if that isn't enough, I'll take a bunch of muscle relaxers and wait for those to kick in. That usually helps the most.