Not offended at all ceje. In fact the opposite. I am impressed with your love and committment to your husband. I know how hard it is for you. While he is coping with his own suffering so are you. I get that. My partner did finally give up and leave but maybe others have partners who can share their experience with you.

I think for me the best support has always just been empathy. 'I am sorry you are having a bad day. Is there anything I can do to help right now?' For me there is just something about validation that is supportive. Helpful advice sometimes feels like more pressure to perform when it is hard enough already to just breath.

I can appreciate how it disrupts your life. I wish I had more wisdom to offer about that. I try not to cause disruption for people. I isolated into my own room alot leaving my son and his dad to do thier own thing. I think that wore on my partner and he got really tired of doing everything with out me and that is a big reason he left for good. Perhaps had we talked about it and tried to negotiate a balance we could have found a way to meet both of our needs. Who knows.

I think there is a fine line between accommodation and coddling so together you may need to define the difference. Over accommodation can feed the illness in my opinion but it is hard to know where the line is between giving him space and allowing him to hide.

I say try to keep the communications open and gently hold him to account for doing his part in the relationship as best he can. Hope I am not just adding to your confusion. You are a good woman to care so much. I hope you find some answers.

It would be good if your husband joined us here. Tell him we don't bite. lol.