Have you talked to your T or pdoc? It sounds like things are getting really bad and it's possible that you need a med adjustment and/or a short stay in the hospital. Just my opinion. I hope you will talk to someone before this gets worse!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."