My husband was diagnosed with a NPD, and has virtually all of the traits. (Naturally he denies it, says he only has some tendancies). We are both in our 50's and have been married 12 years, my 2nd marriage, his 4th with a few engagements in there as well. He abandoned me 3 months ago (my college age son called me at work asking if we had been robbed). This was a COMPLETE shock to me! (His reason was that he was lonely in our marriage). At his request and against pastoral advice, we began Marriage counseling. After 2 months, my husband decided it was ineffective, so we were quitting the joint counseling (by his own admission he was only giving a D effort). He said he needed to focus on addressing his own issues in individual counseling. He attended 1 session about 3 weeks ago and has quit. (He had wanted me to Beg him to come back home but I refused - trying to set boundaries, apparently too late. I have told him numerous times I wanted him home but would not BEG). Two weeks ago he came to the house to talk and told me "that I probably already knew, he was not coming back". He said he was completely happy for the first time in a LONG time and wanted to spend the rest of his life alone with his dog - remember he is lonely???). I asked him what he meant by that and he said he didn't know. He never mentioned a divorce.....just end of conversation. I asked him about a divorce then and he said, yes he guessed a divorce was the next step. We have both contacted attorneys (I actually did the day after he left) but no formal steps have been taken. I am in the process of getting financial stuff in order, and I believe he is actually waiting for me to file so that he can be the "victim". In the meantime, I have found out that he met his new girlfriend the same day as our last joint counseling session (he does not know that I know about her). I was also told by his brother than he brought a 25 yr old w/a baby to a family birthday party 6 days after he left. The 25 yr old is not the same person as the current girlfriend.

I am struggling with SO many issues:
he lies constantly, about any and everything
steals from family and friends and who knows who else
abuses / intimidates anything weaker or smaller than him - beats his dog to the point where I had to leave the room, has abused verbally his grandchildren, both of our nieces and nephews, and has even physically assaulted a teenage nephew. He does not seriously physically abuse me - just would snap towels, or "frog" my arm. When I complained, I was "just a baby, too much of a girl, no fun, couldn't take a joke...."
financially - extremely irresponsible, and has devastated me financially
VERY Manipulative and the counselor also said (in joint company) he was extremely Passive/Aggressive and mean about it.
and now cheating (he says in response to my question as far as my eventual dating ...that as far as he is concerned we are still married so he won't be seeing any one. He had already met her when he told me that).

After writing this, WHY would I want him back - but at this point I would almost beg him to come back, if it would work. Every single person, who knows the situation has said "GET OUT and STAY AWAY" from him, including members of his own family. I struggle with feeling guilty that because I was trying to be strong and do the right thing for me and ultimately him that this is my fault!

After 12 years of marriage, our age, history, kids are now grown and gone..., I have become accustomed to "walking on egg shells", and having a back-up plan for each and every promise / commitment he has broken!

Any help / insight would be appreciated. Do people with a NPD get worse as they approach mid-life, and will / could this behavior actually get even worse?