I'm new here ... I do not suffer depression , my wife does and who knows maybe I'll get some helpful info from these boards . If nothing else maybe I can blow off a little steam .

Where to begin , it feels like it has gone on forever . The wife up and left Nov '09 , heading to Florida , leaving me an obscure note about things are bad and she couldnt stay . She came back within a week with a diagnosis from a counselor there of depression and a loose plan to begin counseling here . She didnt improve but did make it through X Mas before she headed off to a "retreat" , at least I knew about that in advance . Back for a week or so and then admitted herself for a week and half at a hospital , that one ...she just left ... I found out afterward .

Back home after the hospitalization and lasted at home a couple weeks before using her counselor to set up a program where she stays at an apartment through the counseling service that enables her to attend counseling with the intent of being able to come back home and feel as though she can stay next time . Home to her is a tough place to be she has told me , but then again she says she doesnt feel at home anywhere .

So ..Here we sit about 5 weeks into this program and nothing has gotten any better , she has been really ill which has slowed everything down and I get that but the plans for me being able to attend some counseling sessions with her have not happened yet . We communicate via e mail primarily ...that sux .. I don't recommend an internet marriage to anyone lol . I have physically seen her twice in the last 5 weeks .

Oh and a huge problem for me is that I have had to carry the financial load 100 % for the last 3 months , our home and budget was set up for the both of us working . She has continued working as she can but there have been all sorts of this and thats and excuses and reasons that I have not recived any $$$ help in three months . Even if I had that I could at least not feel like I am trying to "hold" the world up back at home and just think of the counseling end of things . It must be noted the bills are piling up and foreclosure could be a reality if it continues . I'm struggling to keep things afloat with absolutely no help and still find a way to be supportive to her . It would even feel better if I saw she was improving but realistically that isnt happening , in fact everything feels as if it is in the same state it was except for the financial which is in a far worse spot that they had been back in Nov 09 .

Hmmm ..guess now is where I feild questions or listen to comments ... Life sure sux these days and I don't know how my head doesnt fly off my shoulders like a balloon flying around the room deflating from all the pressure .

signed .... left in Limbo