I was so excited for this new job, but now I feel it was a mistake.

I did it mostly to escape a crappy home life, but now trying to do this job, I'm doing worse.

My emotions are neutral when I'm actually working and busy doing something, but when people are around, I get very peppy and want to talk to them all the time even when they are trying to do other things... I'm starting to bother them.

And when people are not around, or as in this case the middle of the night, I am starting to have crying fits.

On top of that, I lost my state disability (not SSI) and medicaid for this job, with a possibility I can't get them back.

Plus I'm getting more physically exhausted than I have with other past jobs. I do have weak muscles, was almost dxed with something or other as a kid, and I probably shouldn't even be doing this.

Also for grad school, my mind is so unclear from the meds, and it's so apparant that the other people around me are much brighter than I, that is why they are going to grad school or are already students...

The doctors keep telling me I am so smart, I should be able to go to grad school, etc... but I feel like I can't handle the stress. If I did go back to school, research would be a huge part of the job and if I can't handle research outside of grad school what am I gonna do.

Should I tell someone here what is going on? The professor? He has no clue of what's wrong with me.

This has ruined my life, with my weird and spotty resume, I don't even have hope of being a Walmart cashier or anything.

I'm thinking of talking to an SSI person... but the doctors keep telling me they would not support me going on SSI and voc. rehab has determined I can work...