I only control the social situations. It's not that I don't want him to interact with other people. It's more that I don't know or trust anyone around to be around him. I don't really have any friends that I talk to face to face regularly. We are stranded out in the middle-of-nowhere with no transportation and not many people want to come out this far just to hang out or have the transportation themselves to get here. If I had a car, I would love to take him to see my friends and other kids. I have no problem with that. I would love the interaction myself. But I do still have a problem with the fear of leaving him alone with other people. I can see that he can sense that I'm so slow to trust others and quick to fear the world and he may learn those feelings toward the world as well.

The first time my father hit him we were living with him, and so I printed out an application for public housing that same night. This was a year ago and we still had no luck with public housing. He moved out months later after the incident, but the house is still under his name and he still has the key and he walks in whenever he wants to. My only opprotunity right now that just came yesterday is moving in with my friend and her kids. It's the best option I have now, but my husband thinks that it's bad area where she lives. He says it's very dangerous and he would be afraid about us being over there.

I know I should have done something else when he hit him. I've filed reports about my father before when he abused me with the police and they did nothing. When I tell people he hit him twice hardly anyone seems to care. I plan to never speak to him or have any contact with him at all when I move. When I first moved back to this state, I didn't contact him at all, but somehow he got other family members to give a number where he could reach me and he kept calling my friend's aunt's phone and she couldn't take it anymore. She told me I had to call him so he would stop. So I don't know how lucky I'll be at keeping him out of my life for good. He's a stalker type. He stalked me and used my sister to try to get to me the first time I cut off ties with him when I was 12. I would see him sitting outside in a car just watching me. Even when I was 16 I saw him in my grandparents' car sitting outside when my ex-boyfriend and I walked his (my ex-boyfriend's) dogs. It was very creepy.

Yes I know I hate when he does that when my son cries. He doesn't do it much anymore since he's not here very often and only stays a few minutes usually. But I hate it and it reminds me of when he would minimize my feelings. I told him that one time that he was minimizing his feelings and he said "I think people are minimizing my feelings" and started acting like he was crying. I have said little things here and there to stand up for my son and myself here lately. Which is quite amazing. I would have never thought I'd be able to do that to him. But mostly, I just keep my son in my room if he ever comes over. I try to keep him away from him as much as possible, while we're still here.

I'm not sure if I did discuss the attempted kidnapping with the therapist I saw in September, but he did tell me to get some mace spray to feel less anxious that that guy would come get me and my son. I know I told my son's doctor about it, because afterward I couldn't hardly sleep for two months. I usually got maybe 2 hours of sleep during that time period and I started to hallucinate. She told me to use some OTC sleep aids and that she didn't think he would try it again, because he hadn't tried to contact me after that, since I told him I had a protective order. I didn't really, but it didn't hurt to let him think that. The man who tried to kidnap him is my son's blood father. He is a man that kidnapped and r---d me. He had me there in his house for about a year in a room. He knew I was pregnant when I got free. He was trying to do that. I think the other girl he had there was too young to get pregnant. I got out to my father's house and the man that kidnapped me started calling and threatening me. He had a lot of my families phone numbers and he called the other numbers too. He would say he was going to take my baby, especially if it was a girl. He said there was no way he would let me keep it if it was a girl. He threatened my life and my husband's life. But he did that when he had me in his room too. He threatened many things. I don't remember them all. But he had me very, very scared for me, my son, and my husband. The day he tried to kidnap my son was the last day I ever heard from him. Since then I've been able to feel more at ease. But I was very scared to put him in a daycare before, because I was afraid the people at the daycare would have let that man take my son.