Myzen,

In my 39 years, this was the first time I have fallen under the manipulation trap, hook, line and sinker. At the time my world came crashing down, I was completely caught off guard. I went into a panic state and a depression for what seemed like an eternity but in reality lasted for 2 days. The longest two days of my entire life it seems. This was a turning point in my life, I made the decision to be completely honest, however I no longer live in fear of secrecy. In an unexpected way, it has changed our relationship in a positive direction, opening up doors that we didn't even know we kept closed. But as you know, everything is coming out and it's a long journey to recovery. It never goes away, it's the first thing you think about, all the time.

The betrayal of my "so called friend" is just the added bonus to all of this. She lives in our neighborhood and our children go to school together and in the same grade. That part is akward. I keep thinking I see her somewhere and my heart starts racing and this anger and hatred surface and it's not a good feeling. I'm having a really hard time getting past the belief that she actually fronted me out and told horrible, hurtful lies about me to my husband. Which thankfully he did not believe. How does a person live with themselves? How could deceit and cruelty bring pleasure? I want to understand .....I need to so I am able to move forward and stop obsessing about her. The fact that she was emailing my husband at work for weeks during this time, pretending to care about his feelings, and just being "a friend" to him, all the while making inuendos against me, just baffles me.....A part of me wishes I could get it all out in front of her, but I don't trust her reaction to the truth. At least until I feel stronger and then it may just happen on it's own. I don't know, I have so much going on in my head and the only thing that I am completely sure of, is that I moving forward and it will just take some time to heal from it all.

I don't ever want to fall into this web again, understanding where I made wrong turns and detours is the only way I can make sense of what ultimately was brought into my life....by me. I allowed it, I welcomed it, and I was living it. Who am I?