Nothing is wrong with you. In my opinion those are totally normal thoughts to have when one is under as much stress as you are! Having to deal with all of that surely has to be overwhelming at times. You said you are seeing a Pdoc, is your husband seeing anyone for his problems? If not, is there any possibility you could get him to go to a therapist or a support group of some kind? Maybe even couples counseling to work on your relationship issues?

You are not a bad person, don't be so hard on yourself. This is a really hard position to be in. Sorry I don't have any answers, but hang in there and everyone here on PC is here to support and encourage you!