Sorry that things have been so bad for you.

Don't feel bad about yourself, and don't think that you are pathetic. You aren't, by the sound of it your a rare sort of person who has managed to overcome a great deal of adversity in your life and managed to do well.

You shouldn't feel bad about yourself for your relationship with him. We all make mistakes and when it comes to matters of the heart we are even more vulnerable. What he has done is terrible and you shouldn't be blamed for that.

Right now do your best to start building that self confidence back up. You can do that by taking a look at what you have accomplished in life and knowing that most people are never capable of such things. Work on getting you back to where you want to be. Go out, have fun, spend time with the kids when you can and just try to make life as good as you possibly can. Don't let what he has done keep you down.

I hope you start feeling a bit better soon.