I love how clearly you tell your story. My therapist said she was treating me for GAD and I do have sudden difficulties but not where I am totally out of it and I can talk back to myself (when I'm telling me negative things) and, eventually, hear support from my husband, etc.

Support helps me; my husband repeating positive things and/or changing the mix; if I'm giving him a particularly hard time, he'll "quit" and refuse to interact with me further and, since I love his support, I'll work harder to "quiet down" and get a better perspective on things so he'll "come back".

Maybe you can practice recognizing the Prelude stage and shift into communications mode and establish a connection with someone you know/care about (Mrs. Rohag :-) before triggers? If you feel something about what you read, go into the kitchen and discuss it with her (and be there with her and she with you the moment the inanimate object does its thing so you can see that both of you are startled and have the "same" problem. You wouldn't be able to take all the blame for the refrigerator door breaking as you would see Mrs. Rohag open it (surely opening the door a lot partially caused it's breaking). You could "share" the blame a little and maybe that would help you not feel so bad about yourself. Recently one of the "drawers' in our refrigerator refused to stay in it's grooves and fell. My husband told me about it and I just assumed he'd broken it :-) so I went in and worked with it but I couldn't get it to work right either. Very depressing as I can usually fix anything. But then I kept working at it to see why I couldn't fix it and found that there were little, plastic, raised pieces that kept it in the drawer track and one of them was worn down (it's the drawer for my husband's hot dogs, cheese, breakfast sausage, etc. so still his fault, LOL). I couldn't stand it being broken and still in the refrigerator so I moved the vegetables from the lower vegetable bin into the refrigerator proper and put all this stuff into the vegetable bin and took the broken drawer out (and put it in the utility room).

What happened to the refrigerator door? How did it get "fixed"? I have a good sense of curiosity and imagination and try to use those to help me too. I wouldn't have "been able" to let go until I knew the problem was solved. Just this morning I told my husband he would cry, if I died first, when he used the last toilet paper on the roll and looked into the cabinet underneath and realized I had been the toilet paper fairy, making sure we always had toilet paper in reach :-)

I think you have really good self-knowledge/musings, Rohag. I would look at how you can use that to see if you can help you. You know that you won't direct your anger outward, so I would experiment, if I could, with doing a little bit more of that (since you'll shut down and "save" everything if it gets too much) and see if you can learn to yell at the inanimate objects, etc. and direct the anger at the situation/object responsible. You know how people apologize when someone else accidentally bumps into them? Why does the person who gets bumped apologize? Because it's an acknowledgement that "something" happened between two people. It's "shared". You need to share more of what's going on inside you so it can't build up so bad?