I agree with a lot of what everyone else said. When I have a mixed episode (and technically am still in one), on the most extreme days I have a restless energy (although my eyes and body feel tired) where I feel invincible, or rather I just don't care about the consequences of some of my actions, like driving dangerously. I feel somewhere between life and death and I do impulsive things because that's a way to feel something. It's like my brain is egging me on to see if I'm still alive and volitional. But really, I'm not in control. I'll be depressed and anxious, but not completely listless. Active.

I drove across the country and back in 10 days (literally coast to coast) when in a mixed episode. I felt driven, yet empty and angry inside, masking a hopelessness.

It's probably the most dangerous of bipolar episodes. I hope you'll find some relief soon with a meds change.

Take care of yourself. You could be right. You could be at a turning point in your life and use this as a impetus to start something new.